On Wednesday, Brett had a psychiatrist appointment, and afterward we were headed to speech therapy for Jordan. Having to drive at least 30 miles for an appointment, I try to schedule back to back whenever possible. I parked the car in the lot for Brett's appointment with, well let's just call him Dr.X. Upon entering the building, Jordan immediately starts ticcing (forgot to mention the tic disorder). It gets worse when he's upset. So, this ought to be fun. Walking up the hall, his behaviors escalate into a full blown, full body melt down. This involves screaming, violent head shaking, slapping himself, punching himself, punching walls, more screaming, more hitting, teeth grinding, sobbing, and sometimes a python like grip on me. At this point, Brett is so scared of him he is curled up in a chair, covering his ears screaming "Momma I'm scared of Jordan!". This is all happening in the doctor's office. The doctor that also treated Jordan and prescribed his medication for the past 6 years.  Dr. X. puts his hands up  and says to Jordan in his typical condescending tone "Jordan, I'm going to have to ask you to quiet down!" Ok, at this point I'm trying to keep him from hurting himself, comfort Brett and not get my ass kicked in the process. Um, excuse me Doc, are you freaking kidding me?  Why didn't I think of that? Just tell him to be quiet?!

Meanwhile, the meltdown from Hell continues throughout the entire appointment. It actually got worse after Dr. X. talked to him like an idiot. But I digress... I thought it was time for a change in Brett's medication. What he is taking for his anxiety is clearly not working, and I tell Doc as much. He tells me we can try a different antidepressant, to which I reply "Brett clearly doesn't need an antidepressant".   "Well that's what he's taking now."...uh, which is why I'm here, jackass. So, Jordan- still screaming and sobbing that ugly full body cry, while attacking my arm, twisting it and squeezing it and scratching it. Brett still curled up in the fetal position. Doc asks me "What meds would you like to try?" I realize I have a crap load of experience with autism, but that doesn't make me a freaking doctor.   I'm pretty sure that's his job.

We leave the office, new prescription in hand, 2 kids who are still completely whacked out, and head to the car. Off to the next appointment...and now starts MY meltdown, my sobbing full body ugly cry...

Fortunately we have the best speech therapist and the best behavior specialist who got us through this appointment, despite my sobbing, despite Jordan still tantrumming, despite Brett just wanting to be comforted. Because he was in such a bad state, speech wasn't very successful, which upset him even more. Continue meltdown now, for most of his 30 minute speech session. Sadly, after learning some new skills with his speech device, Jordan seemed to take a step back. Could it be because he was bursting with anger and frustration? Possibly. Probably, but we'll keep working at home and see where it takes us.

On the plus side, we left that appointment with the name of a new psychiatrist and who I should call to report the behavior of  Dr. X.

While continuing my ugly cry the whole 30 miles home during some crappy snowy weather, Jordan starts to smile and smirk. Which made me sob even harder. I know he can't control his emotions, and his moods swing like  a revolving door, but I wanted to scream! I can't even express how angry I felt. By the time we finally got home, quite frankly I didn't want to be near either of them. I put them both in their bedrooms, set them up with music and curled up on the couch to cry some more. After this stress-filled afternoon, what? Oh, hello migraine. Really?? Is this day over yet??? Oops. It's only 4:00.