Is it Monday, yet??

So, here I sit...its finally Sunday night.  I've spent a good bit of my weekend reflecting on my life.  I remember when I used to look forward to the weekends, whether it meant going out with friends, not having classes, not having to work, or not having to wake up to an alarm.  Boy, how things have changed. I still enjoy not having my alarm go off, starting at 5:45 a.m...don't get me wrong.  But the weekends no longer mean "relax". If anything, I'm more stressed, tense, and anxious.  Somewhere along the way, Jordan stopped tolerating Brett. It's nothing in particular that Brett does (and believe me, he can be intense), but his general presence causes Jordan to have mini-tantrums. And when Brett tries to talk, its even worse.  In our house, we don't revolve around the kids and any of their disabilities or disorders. That's not how the world works. They need to learn how to adjust, as best as they can. So, Brett is encouraged to talk. If you've ever met him, you know its impossible to stop him! Jordan needs to learn to deal with it. Neither of them are going anywhere. Just as Brett needs to deal with Jordan's crazy meltdowns. He can't control his emotions, and we certainly can't expect him to be behaved perfectly all the time. Sometimes you just explode. It happens to everyone, sometimes when you least expect it. As long as he knows that I will never let Jordan hurt him, and at the end of the day they hug each other good night...well, I'm okay with that. 

All that being said, it was a LONG weekend. We were all irritable, grouchy, and emotional. I've been spending so much energy, focusing on Jordan lately, that I've been neglecting Brett's needs. He is a complete and total Mama's boy. Last night, when he was getting ready for bed, I saw the tears forming. I knew then that I had been failing him.  The other day, I had promised to take him to the library over the weekend. Not just any library, either. The library with bricks. The one that's 35 miles away...ugh. This morning, that was the last thing I wanted to do, but when I tried to convince him to go another day I could hear the disappointment in his voice. Sigh, suck it up Mom...I turned it into what he calls a 'Mom day'. I asked him where else he wanted to go. He looked at me like I was nuts, and said 'Toys R Us?' Now, I hate that place almost as much as Chuck E Cheese's, but we added it to our list. I let him pick out where we had lunch (McDonald's, of course). And you know what? I ended up having fun. Despite being exhausted, it was great having 4 hours of one on one time with him. When we came home, we snuggled up on the chair and watched one of the movies he picked out from the library.

And at some point this weekend, I had a revelation. I need to take care of myself. Not just my health and well being, either. I try to eat healthy, but unfortunately I'm both a stress eater and an emotional eater. Anyone have a cure for that?? And my well being, well...that's always a work in progress. It always will be.  So, whether it be actually getting dressed every day (Brett gets anxious if I am wearing anything other than comfy clothes- he is afraid I'm going somewhere), putting on some makeup, putting some effort into ME, I just need to do it.  I think this revelation occurred after I realized how I spent my weekend- scrubbing the old cat barf stains out of the carpet with an old toothbrush, cleaning out litter boxes, doing laundry, dishes, giving 3 haircuts, cutting the cats nails (and getting shat on by one of them!), and making sure one kid didn't kill the other...I thought, what about me? Where do I fit in to this equation? I do not live to serve, and though I might need to be SuperMom at all times, I need a few hours off from the cape. And my thighs and ass look terrible in tights.