Summer vacation is nearly upon us. Two more days. And I have no idea what I'm going to do. Last year, I spent weeks planning out a schedule of activities and outings to keep the boys busy. But, Jordan was diagnosed with a sleep disorder and slept most of the summer away. So much for our summer of fun. Ok, so maybe I was a little ambitious in the planning. I wanted to be the best Mom I could be. Not going to lie, sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough. Yes. I want to be that Mom. The one who always has her shit together, the one who has kids in sports and activities. Who am I kidding? I will never be that person. There are days that I have to force myself out of bed, days that I don't even get dressed, and I might not even brush my hair. Guess what? I don't care. Not one bit.
I was having a conversation with Brett the other day. Let me start with this- I have tattoos. Six of them, for now. I love them all, and every one of them has a special meaning. Anyway, Brett was looking at one of the larger ones and said "Mom, I can't have a tattoo when I'm a grown up, can I? Now, I am a firm believer that he can do and be anything he wants when he grows up. He can have a job, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, stay at home with us forever, I don't care. As long as he is happy with his life, I will support whatever he decides. But I told him "No" to the tattoo. Even though he would totally rock a Bert and Ernie tattoo on his bicep.
This week, we are preparing for Jordan's graduation. The ceremony is on Thursday night, and I am FREAKING out. What could go wrong? Um, everything! We will not be sitting anywhere near him. He will be surrounded by a sea of strangers. I am terrified, but he'll probably be thrilled. An insane number of people, and no one is bugging him. He can sit there, minding his own business, in his own world of peace and harmony. I have complete faith that he can and will handle the situation with grace and ease and a level of maturity that I've never seen. He will blend in with this magnificent group of his peers, and be judged by no one. I have been looking forward to a day like this for most of his life. It is nearly here. I find myself holding my breath as I write. Tomorrow, we will practice wearing the cap and gown. And I will cry. On Wednesday, he'll have his first graduation practice. And I will cry. On Thursday, he'll have a second practice, and then the actual ceremony. And I will cry. Like a blubbering idiot. But guess what? I don't care. This is such a monumental occasion for him, and there will only be a handful of people there that understand what I am feeling. So, Kim- bring the tissues. I'm going to need them.
This morning, I was telling Doug about the conversation Brett & I had about the tattoo. Doug asked him, "So, you don't want a tattoo like Mommy & Daddy have?" Brett replied "No. I don't want a tattoo. I am perfect just the way I do." And he's right. He's perfect. At least in my eyes. And his. And his Dad's. And that's all that matters. So I spent a good bit of time trying to process this. Brett is pure. He is innocent. And he is wise beyond his years. He doesn't know judgement, or prejudice. He knows equality. Love. Support. Openness. He doesn't look at himself and wish his hair was different, or wish he was thinner, or wish he was smarter. He looks in the mirror and calls himself handsome. And then makes a goofy face at himself. But I digress. He is happy. He doesn't know that he doesn't fit into society's norm. And guess what? He doesn't care. He will prance and dance down the aisle of the grocery store. And he will be happy. So, starting right now, I challenge each and every one of you- be a little more like Brett. Love yourself for who and what you are, what you look like, and prance like no one is watching.
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