So I was thinking I would be a guest blogger on someone's site. Lucky for me, I have an amazing wife (AKA the phenomenal mother of my children) who writes a great blog. So, here goes nothing.
As a father of two children with autism I also have a front row seat to the many things my wife blogs about. I admire her for her honesty and wish I could put myself out there like she does. It is so truthful, so raw, so.....real. I will not rant anywhere near as eloquently as her and will not claim to be good at it. I will give you a perspective that most don't see in society.
The father's side of autism. It doesn't differ much from the mother's side, but it does differ. I wish I could be there for them every minute of the day to protect them, shield them, from the world that doesn't understand them. I see how magnificent they can be when so many gawk and stare. As a father I celebrate the tiny wins, from watching them tie their shoes for the first time on their own at the age of 10. Yes 10 years old. Or seeing them ride a two wheel bike on their own for the first time at age 14. You love the tiny wins. You may not start out as a father with patience, but they will teach you the true meaning of patience. Being someone who is not, by nature, patient, they have taught me so much. I strive for them to achieve everything that they can in life. I celebrate the times that they say the appropriate thing in the right circumstances like when mom is feeling sad and Brett says, "Don't be sad Momma, I love you." I embrace the smiles when they are happy and the thunderous belly laugh of Jordan and it fills you with the most contagious happiness. I turn inward to my sadness when I feel the helplessness overcome me when I can't help them calm down when they yearn to let me know what is going on in their head and can't. None of these things differ from how a mother feels.
There are many things as a father that you have to let go. Being able to teach them how to drive a car, play football, talking about the cute girls at school, wanting to go spend time with you while just working on the car, missing out on having that talk before they get married about how proud you are of them, all that won't happen. Guess what? I am totally OK with all of that. As much time and repetition that you must put in to work with them on those tiny wins, you realize in the end how much they teach you. You learn patience, understanding, how to truly love and care for your child, and the value of what is really important in life. I see many posts from friends and family about how disappointed they are in their children or what their children did wrong daily. Guess what, you don't understand what is really important in life. Your child's happiness. Celebrate their life, celebrate the tiny wins, don't tear it down. I am not the best at it nor will I ever claim to be, but I will always drive to create every opportunity for my child to be happy, grow, learn and I will be thankful for who they are. Who are they? The greatest kids that I would ever ask for and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I will leave you with a few thoughts. I saw a great article that was posted by an amazing lady on Facebook (Kristin) that outlined 6 things special needs moms know but won't tell you. Here is my list of 5 things fathers won't tell you.
· So many people judge a book by its cover. Next time you meet a child with autism, open the book. You will be amazed out how amazing the story is when you open it up and read it! As a father we know, we wish more people would make that effort to see how beautiful they are.
· As a father and a husband, we worry about our marriage, our kids, who will take care of them when we are gone. It is stressful. You yearn to talk about it, but no one ever asks how you are. Sometimes you just want to know it does matter to someone what is on your mind.
· As a father we ask why this happened to our child. We ask and research to no end to find a cure or some miracle drug that is being tested to improve our child's life. That will never end. It doesn't exist......yet, but in the end we strive to be an advocate for our children. We wish that each person in the world could learn one thing about autism to better educate the world on this rising epidemic and help our autistic community work to find a cure.
· As a father of children that do have some level of mental retardation, it bothers the hell out of me when people use the word "retard" as a punch line. Name calling is offensive. Especially when the group of people you are making fun of are the kindest people you will ever meet in your life. That's a fact Jack!
· I am not a religious person, but I do pray for my child's safety, a long life without pain, without judgment from society, their safety and good health. I pray for guidance to help them and I pray for strength for me to make their life the happiest it can be.
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