Last week, I think I had a nervous breakdown, but I can't be sure. After all, I'm no doctor. But perhaps I should be. I took it upon myself to learn some more about what Jordan was experiencing and stumbled across something. After a week or so of reading and searching the internet, watching and video taping Jordan, we made our monthly trip to his psychiatrist and it was confirmed. Jordan has Tourette's syndrome.
The Abilify he had been taking as a mood stabilizer for the past 8 years had been suppressing the tics. It is classified as a neuroleptic, which is a drug that has a tranquilizing effect by reducing nerve activity. One of the most powerful of these drugs is Haldol. We aren't there, yet. In the past few weeks, the Abilify has completely left his system, giving birth to new tics on a near-daily basis. All day, all night his body shakes and vibrates and twitches with motor tics, and despite the fact that he is non-verbal, he has 3-4 vocal tics. It is exhausting for me to watch this, I can't even begin to describe how he must be feeling. It is as his own body has become his worst enemy, and they are in a constant battle with each other. Along with the Tourette's comes RAGE episodes. RAGE is a completely appropriate acronym for repeated anger-generated episodes. Basically, if something bothers or irritates him, or he experiences sensory overload, he explodes in a violent meltdown. There is nothing we can do to calm him during an episode. I put him in an area where he can't hurt himself, and we wait it out. Any attempt to disrupt him causes increased anger and violence. There is no warning for these attacks. He has them daily, they last up to 30 minutes, and he has had up to 6 a day. So far...
His doctor seems to think that if we can get him to a therapeutic level of Seroquel, it will manage his anger, aggression and the tics. I know she's the professional, and I know she knows her medications, but right now I don't have much faith in anything. We are increasing the dosage at a rapid pace, seeing no improvements. He's actually developed 2 vocal tics since the increase on Friday. If he doesn't show any signs of improvement, we have to start all over with a new med. Again. My kid has been completely and utterly miserable for months, and frankly I don't see it ending any time soon. There aren't words to describe how shitty that makes me feel. I'm his mother and I can't fix his pain.
Doc recognized how exhausted I was, and brought up the idea of him living somewhere else. Commence breakdown. And here it comes again...
No comments:
Post a Comment