Good morning, Tiffany.

I have a secret. I did something this weekend, and I feel very guilty about it. But it felt good. 

So very good...

I had a girls night. An overnight girls night. A sleepover. Shopping, dinner, pedicures, laughing, talking about boys, more laughing, more talking about boys, and a pillow fight. Ok, I'm kidding about that part. I was asked by one of the girls "When was the last time you spent a night away from the kids?". I had to think about it for a minute, but I think it was last March when I was in the hospital. And anyone who has spent time in a hospital knows that it's certainly not a vacation. You get no sleep, the beds are uncomfortable, you're hooked up to wires and IV's,  the food sucks, and when you ring your bell, it's never a cabana boy coming for your drink order. 

One of the girls with us last night is a great friend. I haven't known her for very long, but it doesn't feel like that at all. It's been a while since I've seen her, and one of the first things out of her mouth was to tell me how much she loves my blog, that she looks forward to reading it, and then she reminded me "You know, you didn't blog this week."  

I don't get my thoughts and feelings out very well in person. I'm awkward, and always worried about what people will think of me. Always. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't worry about that...

So, Tiffany, let me just say thank you. Thank you for your words, your thoughts, your sincerity, and your friendship. Thanks for being Jean's friend, and thank you, Jean, for introducing us. 

While I'm extremely grateful for the chance to have such an incredible time Saturday (and into Sunday!), I still have a guilty conscience. It's who I am. It's my cross to bear. Well, one of them. There's nothing I can do about it, believe me. I've tried. And it drives my husband nuts. I shouldn't feel this way about enjoying myself, I'm not doing anything wrong. For whatever reason, I feel that I should be home with the boys, spending my time with them. They may be driving ME nuts, I may be ready to pull out my hair, scream, throw something, and my very last nerve is probably frayed...but it doesn't matter. This is where I need to be. This is where I want to be. And while I was enjoying my girls night, laughing so hard I couldn't breathe, I was obsessively checking my cell phone for messages. 'Obsessively' might even be an understatement. Finally, this morning, it came. The most amazing text message I've ever received...it was from Brett, and it said "I've missed you so much". It was at that very moment that my heart swelled, my stomach did flips, and I realized that maybe I do know what I'm doing after all.